"...when you say, 'I hate you' that sticks with a person and you can't take it away." -Korri Piper
Parenting is the most amazing feat to experience and watch! When I read Korri’s interaction with her daughter, I was so impressed at her Mommy skills in communication and patience that I asked her to be a guest blogger. Being an active engaged listener, especially with children means listening; not with the intent of responding but listening, with the sole purpose of listening to process what is being said. With that said, enjoy this real-parenting moment shared by Korri.
I approach parenting the same way I approach my work — the
point for me is not to do it perfectly. The point is to do it well and with
consistency. I find that at bed time my daughter is most reflective, calm and
talkative. For ten minutes of our busy lives we are able to slow down focus
completely (and most importantly with patience). I look forward to this special
talk time everyday. I am constantly amazed by her ability to reflect and
process. I also hold this time sacred to our relationship because I know I am
setting a strong foundation for communication for the rest of her life. She
needs to know that I am always here to talk to her just like she knows the sky
to be blue. It must be part of her trust in me as a mother.
Daughter: "Momma. I am so sorry for saying terrible things to you today. It's just that sometimes things happen at school and then I hold them inside. Then, I come home and say bad things to you because I am frustrated and angry and I didn't mean to say them. I was angry and you were listening..."
Korri: "Listen, I am always going to be here no matter how awful the things are that you say. Just know this: there is a line you draw in the sand, and once you step over it, you can't step back. There are words you can't take back once you've said them. That is what I'm trying to teach you."
Daughter: "What do you mean?"
Korri: "I mean, when you say, 'I hate you' that sticks with a person and you can't take it away. Somewhere, in the back of their head they will always think that and it isn't good. It doesn't put good things into the world."
Korri: "I mean, when you say, 'I hate you' that sticks with a person and you can't take it away. Somewhere, in the back of their head they will always think that and it isn't good. It doesn't put good things into the world."
Daughter: "Momma, I get what you mean. I'm sorry for my words and I know I can't take them back. Other people were mean to me and then I was mean to you and that's not right. Momma, please stop crying."
Korri: "I will, but not right now. Right now I'm crying because you are smart and you get it. And, that's okay."
Daughter: "Momma, I love you."
Korri: "You're my number one and you always will be. Thank you for being kind and reflective."
About the author
Korri Piper has a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a concentration in The Dramatic Arts and holds a Graduate Certificate from the Program for Women in Politics and Public Policy. For more than 11 years she has worked in the field of marketing in varied industries. Korri is fascinated by behavioral sociology. She enjoys staying active, the continued pursuit of knowledge and consideration and righteous social justice work. Korri is parent to an incredibly precocious daughter who reminds her – regularly – that life offers infinite proof of our fallibility, that humor is just a good approach to being and that active listening is the best base for relationships.
Have good parenting tips to share? Parenting questions for Korri? Please comment below, we welcome your comments and questions.
