Words and Parenting

"...when you say, 'I hate you' that sticks with a person and you can't take it away." -Korri Piper

Parenting is the most amazing feat to experience and watch! When I read Korri’s interaction with her daughter, I was so impressed at her Mommy skills in communication and patience that I asked her to be a guest blogger. Being an active engaged listener, especially with children means listening; not with the intent of responding but listening, with the sole purpose of listening to process what is being said. With that said, enjoy this real-parenting moment shared by Korri. 

I approach parenting the same way I approach my work — the point for me is not to do it perfectly. The point is to do it well and with consistency. I find that at bed time my daughter is most reflective, calm and talkative. For ten minutes of our busy lives we are able to slow down focus completely (and most importantly with patience). I look forward to this special talk time everyday. I am constantly amazed by her ability to reflect and process. I also hold this time sacred to our relationship because I know I am setting a strong foundation for communication for the rest of her life. She needs to know that I am always here to talk to her just like she knows the sky to be blue. It must be part of her trust in me as a mother.

Daughter: "Momma. I am so sorry for saying terrible things to you today. It's just that sometimes things happen at school and then I hold them inside. Then, I come home and say bad things to you because I am frustrated and angry and I didn't mean to say them. I was angry and you were listening..."

Korri: "Listen, I am always going to be here no matter how awful the things are that you say. Just know this: there is a line you draw in the sand, and once you step over it, you can't step back. There are words you can't take back once you've said them. That is what I'm trying to teach you."

Daughter: "What do you mean?" 

Korri: "I mean, when you say, 'I hate you' that sticks with a person and you can't take it away. Somewhere, in the back of their head they will always think that and it isn't good. It doesn't put good things into the world."

Daughter: "Momma, I get what you mean. I'm sorry for my words and I know I can't take them back. Other people were mean to me and then I was mean to you and that's not right. Momma, please stop crying."

Korri: "I will, but not right now. Right now I'm crying because you are smart and you get it. And, that's okay."

Daughter: "Momma, I love you."

Korri: "You're my number one and you always will be. Thank you for being kind and reflective."

About the author

Korri Piper has a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a concentration in The Dramatic Arts and holds a Graduate Certificate from the Program for Women in Politics and Public Policy. For more than 11 years she has worked in the field of marketing in varied industries. Korri is fascinated by behavioral sociology. She enjoys staying active, the continued pursuit of knowledge and consideration and righteous social justice work. Korri is parent to an incredibly precocious daughter who reminds her – regularly – that life offers infinite proof of our fallibility, that humor is just a good approach to being and that active listening is the best base for relationships.

Visit Winning Ways to Talk with Young Children to learn more techniques on effectively communicating to children in your life.

Have good parenting tips to share? Parenting questions for Korri? Please comment below, we welcome your comments and questions.

Dreams: Taking Action

"...The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all." 
– Ecclesiastes 9:11

Now that you’re dreaming again, your excitement, passion and drive is nearly at its peak. Since we understand that time and chance happens to us all and that nothing is simply given to us, its important to prepare for and cultivate our skills to achieve our dreams. Here are some actions to focus this energy into transforming your dream into something you achieve:

1. Be competent in your expertise. Go after the requirements needed. If achieving your dream requires a specific skill set, license and accreditation etc. focus on pursuing these things immediately. Sign up for classes, trainings or join professional networks for learning opportunities. It takes study, practice, experience and a strong work ethic to become a respected expert in any field. 
2. Establish and maintain good relationships. People may recognize your abilities, skills and talent, but to be highly regarded and endorsed by others it's important to show personal qualities such as trust and integrity in addition to professional skills. Show that you're trustworthy in business and in seemingly small interactions. Be honest yet wise. Listen and retain information to show interest and knowledge. Compliment others when possible. A leader among peers is one that people can look to during uncertain times, be consistent.
3. Focus specifically on what you're going to do on a quarterly basis and DO it. We're one month into the first quarter. What can you do between now and March to make your long-term goal –your dream– a reality? When we're focused, we know where to invest our time and resources. Ideas: research relevant information and use it, make calls and connections, take classes. 

• First Quarter: January-March 
• Second Quarter: April-June (June 30th last day of Fiscal year)
• Third Quarter: July-September (July 1st begins new Fiscal year)
• Fourth Quarter: October-December

IDEAS: Some parts of the year may present challenges due to weather, holidays, family obligations, etc. The good news is that each day of the year is great for taking small steps to move forward. Here are some ideas to get started.

• During holidays, send holiday wishes to business contacts offering to connect over coffee. 
• When back-to-school season comes, stock up on office supplies while they're on sale. 
• Join a local professional group or business chamber.
• Have a soft launch or meet-and-greet to tell others about your business.
• Begin writing your business plan by finding examples of businesses similar to yours.
• Apply for grants to fund your non-profit organization, start your business or attend school.
• Attend conferences and events to learn from others in business.
• Get official training, licenses and certifications.

PRAYER: Father, we thank You for your favor, for our dreams and abilities. We ask for your wisdom and strength to mobilize us as we set our dreams into action. We thank You for our ability to dream and take action. We ask that you give us confidence as we move forward. As opportunities come, help us to be prepared through our continued learning and experience. We continuously give You all of the glory and honor in everything we do. Be glorified in our lives daily, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Stay inspired about your dream!
Listen to messages on being a Dreamer via Podcast from E. Dewey Smith, Jr.

For additional prayer visit http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends.

About the author

Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and a mother that is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family, comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Dream Again

Dr. King is not the only dreamer, what can you do when you begin to dream again? Can you revive your marriage, heal from your divorce, love your children and those around you? So many times we resolve in ourselves a dream must be big, visible, systemic in nature – with a life and momentum of its own that impacts the masses. I offer you this thought humbly: Consider your dream. Coming home to a peaceful environment, sleeping through the night better, academic and/or professional pursuits, better health, or even loving yourself – could that be your dream?

5 ways to re-discover your dreams and begin dreaming again:

1. Identify what your gifts and abilities are. What do you do well? What do others say you do well? Think of the most common requests people have of you, besides the mundane tasks of life – what do people specifically seek you for? (Proverbs 18:16)
2. Be a person of excellence and credibility.  What skills, gifts and abilities do you have? Focus on doing one thing well and then expand. 
3. Remember your dreams. What sparked them originally? What hindered you and made you put your dreams down?
4. Dream again! Reflect on where you are now. What is your purpose? What essence of life do you bring to the table? Make each word count that you speak, so others value you and your words.
5. Journal. Write our vision and make it plain (business plans, goals, etc). Be patient, achieving anything significant takes effort over a period of time. If your dream doesn’t happen immediately, remember to pace yourself and catch the wisdom you’re gaining from the experience. (Habakkuk 2:2-3)
6. Take action. Writing your vision and pondering it is great but in order for your dream to manifest you must take steps. What are the requirements for your dream to come to pass? Determine what those requirement are and DO what it takes. Make a checklist of things to do and do a quarterly review of what you've accomplished.
7. Tell others. Who have you told about your vision? Telling others whose opinion we trust and value helps us be accountable. Determine who you can share your dream with that will motivate you to take action.

PRAYER: Father, please help us to dream again. Resurrect in us the dreams you’ve put in us since the beginning of our existence. We thank You for our ability to dream and take action. We ask that you give us confidence and restore our faith as we dream again. Continue to bless us with opportunities that are healthy and safe for us to enter, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Stay inspired about your dream!
Listen to messages on being a Dreamer via Podcast from E. Dewey Smith, Jr.

For additional prayer visit 
http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends.

About the author

Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Opportunities: Networking

Continuing the From Problems to Opportunities series. 

Two significant ways we can prepare for opportunities are to make professional and social connections and identify with like-minded individuals. Essentially, you must network. The type of networking a parent does during their child's event is very different from networking that takes place in a business setting. Both are valuable opportunities because they put you in an environment to make desired connections but the preparation and acceptable behavior are completely different. 

Connections are essential in every area of life, primarily in the professional arena but networking in multiple areas of your life will create opportunities for you to: grow as a person, advance professionally, share information and gain knowledge. Sometimes we avoid obvious networking environments because we're shy, socially awkward (at least in our minds), unsure how to navigate the crowd and the biggest reason – fear. It can prevent us from thriving in the environment set up for us to succeed. Below is a list of different types of networking and tips as well.

Networking. The exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions; specifically the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business.

Business networking. A socioeconomic activity by which groups of like-minded businesspeople recognize, create, or act upon business opportunities. 

Social Networking. The grouping of individuals into specific groups, like small rural communities or a neighborhood subdivision, if you will. Although social networking is possible in person, especially in the workplace, universities, and high schools, it is most popular online.

Non-traditional Networking. Connecting with individuals you share common interests, goals and ideas. Environments include: social gathering (parties, reunions, play dates, etc.), places of worship, local chambers and business networks, places where people of influence are (clubhouses, non-profit events, golf courses, exclusive gyms, etc.). 

Tips for networking in any environment.  While networking, remember to engage with people at your level and beyond. It's great to have peers for support, and remember to be complimentary, genuine and model the behavior you're expecting from the other person. Identify resources and potential mentors as your network expands and relationships develop. Use your time with these connections wisely: discover new opportunities, again access to events, etc.

Tips on becoming a mentor: Maybe you're at the point where you should be mentoring someone who is early in their profession or mid-level. Think about the ways being a mentor (officially or unofficially) will help you identify your strengths as a resource and determine specific ways you're able to help mentor others in an efficient manner (i.e. group lunches, schedule times to meet in advance and stick to a schedule).


PRAYER: Dear Lord, we thank You for our abilities, gifts and talents. We thank You in advance for opportunities and where there are none, we ask for your favor. Allow our gifts to make room for us and bring us before people of influence. Increase our faith and confidence as we enlarge our territories through networking professionally, socially and even within our places of worship. Connect us with the right people so we can do more than we would alone. We pray Your will be done. We thank You and we bless You in Jesus' name. Amen.

Check out: From Problems to Opportunities, Preparing for Opportunity and Opportunities: Acknowledgement to catch up on this series. Again, I thank you for reading and its my hope that this blog inspire you to be the woman you were born to be.

For additional prayer visit 
http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends.

About the author
Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Birth of a Dreamer

“The time is always right to do the right thing.”
― Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

In honor of the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I thought it'd be fitting to encourage you to dream again. Dr. King is known for his prolific "I Have A Dream" speech, leadership of the Civil Rights movement and emphasis on non-violence – having been influenced by Mohandas Gandhi.

It's never too late to dream again. Despite failures, heart aches and other obstacles we face – it's never a bad time to resurrect a dream, first in our minds and then our actions. One of the things I love about Dr. King is that he is an example that one person, who connects with many can do BIG things!

Read more on taking steps to dreaming again in Monday's blog Discovering your Dreams.

 For additional prayer visit http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends. 

About the author

Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Opportunities: Acknowledgment

Continuing the From Problems to Opportunities series, I want to share details on ways we can go about changing our perspective by breaking down each of the points. Check out: From Problems to Opportunities and Step 1: Preparing for Opportunity to catch up on the series. Thank you for reading, your comments and emails are amazing and insightful!

STEP: 2 Acknowledge your current situation and the role you have played in creating it. Often, when we're unhappy in situations – our workplace, relationships, finances, etc. – we tend to gloss over our role in creating the situation. Consider the behaviors you've exhibited over the years, and commit to refining and using more of the positive behaviors that have worked. Fully admit to yourself your role in negative and/or hurtful experiences – whether they were hurtful to you or someone else.

Honestly acknowledging our role leading to our current circumstances or past hurts is essential dealing with our issues rather than burying them. Acknowledgement is also the key to a new start. Here are a few ideas to help you get started.

1. Admit to past mistakes and learn from them. Wise and successful individuals tend to quickly acknowledge their mistakes because it accelerates progress. When thinking of your past, if there's a pattern of behavior (are you always outspoken, do you run from conflict – even if you're right), let this be the year you try something different with your responses in situations.
2. Support from trusted friends and colleagues. Identify trustworthy friends and even colleagues to support and educate you through this process. They can provide valuable feedback based on their observation of you over-time. Ask specifically about situations that you would have preferred a different outcome, and accept their feedback – even if you disagree! Ask questions about their feedback, rather than dispute their points. The value in this information is the other person's perspective and having a more complete view of the situation.
3. Changing your approach. Brainstorm ways you can handle upcoming or even ongoing situations differently and reach out to those you've identified as trusted friends and colleagues to help you in this. Become an active listener if you're normally talkative, commit to being on time if you have a history of being late, etc. 

For more tips on acknowledging your truth and also Owning Your Value go to: 

Living Fabulously Fierce.

For additional prayer visit http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends. 

About the author

Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Preparing for Opportunity

Continuing the thought From Problems to Opportunities, I want to share details on ways we can go about changing our perspective by breaking down each of the five points mentioned. To recap, go to: From Problems to Opportunities. 

STEP 1: Purposefully adopt a new way of perceiving yourself and situations by realizing who you are and what good qualities YOU bring to the table. The word purposefully means that you have a specific purpose in mind, you are acting purposefully and not in an uncontrolled, unregulated manner. This is important because we are often in situations or environments that make it easier for us to: loose control, return to unhealthy behaviors from earlier years (in some cases back to child-like tendencies) and remain in unhealthy environments. In order to adopt a new way of seeing things, ladies – we must first see ourselves differently.

Seeing ourselves differently is a chance for us to examine and assess ourselves emotionally, physically, mentally and professionally. How do we gain a new perspective? 

1. Patiently observe and take inventory of your interests, behaviors, etc. Give yourself the measure of grace and space you kindly give to others as you face who you are (and in some cases, who you have been) during this transition. During this time, grieve your current and past hurts and prepare to move on.
2. Acknowledge your current situation and the role you have played. Often, when we're unhappy in situations – our workplace, relationships, finances, etc. – we tend to gloss over our role in creating the situation. Consider the behaviors you've exhibited over the years, and commit to refining and using more of the positive behaviors that have worked. Fully admit to yourself your role in negative and/or hurtful experiences – whether they were hurtful to you or someone else.
3. Set goals. Identify short- and long-term goals and commit to achieving them. A short-term goal is typically something you can accomplish within three months. A long-term goal could be something that takes two to five years, or even longer. Don't be intimidated by goal setting and potential failures. The most successful people have failed more times than they have succeeded, but had they given up you'd never know their name. 

For even more ideas on gaining a new perspective go to: Living Fabulously Fierce Factor #11-Valuing Yourself. On this blog, Farah Bernier discusses "Self Valuation" and asking hard questions on "How Do You Feel About You" as well as "Leveraging Positive Factors" (my favorite). 

Love you to life!

POSITIVE AFFIRMATION: "I am ready and willing to release the past, now."

For additional prayer visit http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please share this blog with your friends. 

About the author

Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

From Problems to Opportunities

Submitted by Sharon Gray-Brewster

“How family members define and frame a problem situation will influence how they attempt to deal with it… When people who are locked into a particular explanation of their experience are invited to reflect on their beliefs, they become freer to consider other possibilities.”

-Froma Walsh, Ph.D. Strengthening Family Resilience

Today I was inspired by the minister’s words urging congregants to “start looking at your problems as opportunities” and the importance of being prepared for opportunities when they come.* Often, we can’t deny the proverbial glass is half-full or even empty, but if we look again we can discover ways to fill and refill that same glass. It’s in these times our perspective can impact what we describe as our destiny, our goal – our success.

Changing from a negative outlook to a positive one takes a great deal of effort, sometimes due to our past, family history, lack of support, etc. Thankfully, this is a new year, we’re still in “JaNEWary” (as my children’s favorite TV station calls it) and it’s the perfect time to look at problem situations different, become freer and open yourself to possibilities of your own success.

Some of the ways we can change our perspective so we can identify and prepare for opportunities in the midst of problems and difficult situations would be to:

1. Purposefully adopt a new way of perceiving yourself and situations by realizing who you are and what good qualities YOU bring to the table. (Romans 12:2)
2. Let go of negativity and past hurts by ceasing or limiting interactions with people who may re-hash past issues or start new ones. This includes: changing the way we interact with family and close friends, and not taking behaviors we've learned along the way with us. (Ephesians 4:31)
3. Make professional and social connections with people who are operating at the level you’re aspiring to get to. Adopt one or two as unofficial mentors. Do not ask for mentoring, because the best mentoring relationships often develop organically. (2 Kings 2:6-10)
4. Identify like-minded individuals you can learn from and also share information with. Bring your gifts to the friendship, and model the type of friendship you want to have. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
5. Put your best foot forward daily in your interactions with people. Each day presents opportunities to leave an impression. Sure, we'll have bad days from time to time, but make an attempt to be your best each day. (Titus 2:7)

PRAYER: Dear Lord, surprise us this week with an unexpected blessing that can only come from you as a result of viewing our situations with a renewed mind. In Jesus' name, amen.

*Learn more about the inspiring message that sparked this blog entry or for prayer visit http://tabernacleofpraisemin.org/ or call 781-963-5300.

Please forward this blog to five of your friends. 

About the author
Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"

Protecting our Promise, our Children

Submitted by Sharon Gray-Brewster

While watching a classic movie of the birth of Jesus with the family, my son burst into tears during a scene where Herod declared all of the babies be killed, out of his own fear that the King of the Jews had been born. My son cried at the idea of such cruelty, but his tears reminded me that whenever there’s a deliverer or need for deliverance such decrees often take place. Before Jesus' time, I’m reminded of Moses being set off in a basket into the water by his mother, and his sister Miriam watching to be sure he made it safely across after an edict from the Pharaoh to kill all male Hebrew infants. With the recent explosion of violence against children world wide, I wonder God where is the deliverer for this season, for this generation--and intercede for the safety and purpose of children.

Recently, the Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut that claimed the lives of 20 children and six adults, and the stabbing of 22 children in China rocked the emotions and feelings of safety for children and parents across the globe. Our hearts go out to the grieving families and communities impacted by these violent acts. Our prayers and thoughts are with them as well.

In times like these, we ought to pray for: 

1. Our children and their purpose 
2. Deliverance
3. Insight on protecting our children and their divine purpose through prayer

While violence is unpredictable, I heard a preacher recently say at a funeral that death has an appointed time. She used an illustration of a man and his servant who were on vacation, but the servant felt uneasy and decided to leave the trip. Death visited the man and asked where his servant was because he had an appointment with him later. The minister continued to explain we couldn't control when it will be our time, but we can be ready. As parents, we must teach our children to be ready and also to protect them with prayer, guidance and understanding their purpose.

Learn more on praying for your children with tips on praying daily with them as well as what to pray for (i.e. safety, alertness and knowing right from wrong) with scripture references.

Don and Sue Myers explain the greatest shield of protection we can provide for our children is prayer in "A Parent's daily Prayer Guide."
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/essentials/praying-for-your-children/a-parents-daily-prayer-guide#.UOUCao6LEqc

About the author
Sharon has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She combines her experience as an art director, understanding of healthy child development and therapeutic interventions to offer interactive art and talk therapy to clients. Sharon is a wife and mother who is passionate about family life and early childhood development and education. Sharon is known for her commitment to God, excellence and family; comedic wit and ability to empathize with others. "Love you to life!"